Childrearing, randon thoughts

I wanted to talk about children, but every time I start to think about my own, it feels like saying anything is boastful, and maybe unlucky. Even though I don't believe in luck.

Truly, my children are wonderful. They have grown into four responsible men with great wives and kids (Justin's not married but the older three are) and I wish I could know what we did to get them to turn out so well, because it doesn't always happen that way.

So it's hard to try to analyze what makes a normal kid grow up to be an exceptional adult. I think that having high expectations is right up at the top of the list. I believe that it is an honor to our children for us (parents) to expect the best of them. I would never expect my children to put in a mediocre performance, I think too highly of them for that. On the other hand, if you demand a level of performance that he simply cannot achieve -- you expect so much that your child has no chance of success, and then if you browbeat, humiliate, or ridicule them, you have a child who expects every day to fail, who meets every morning with not a sense of joy and curiosity, but of impending doom.

Let him take chances, but let him be assured you've got his back. With media always looking for a story, you'd think there was a predator on every block. Normal families in regular neighborhoods don't make news, and we don't hear about them. There has been a steady downward trend in rape and murder per 100,000 people, since 1992, but because of the mass hysteria created by the media, we can't believe that's true, and would never let our children out of our sight, even when they're older. Teach your children safe behavior, but try not to make them paranoid. Teach them to make calm decisions, but not to fear every stranger. Most strangers are good and kind people who have your children's safety high on their priority list.

Make sure that your children know that even though you love them to death, and are astounded at their excellence, that they are still ordinary. They can't expect reward without work, the world owes them nothing more than anyone else, which is zero. They are responsible when they make a mistake or do something stupid. They must make amends or fix things if they screw up, and not expect to be excused because of their coolness.

Teach them to respect and talk to old people. There is nothing that cheers an old person like a child that will chat with them. Teach them to be kind to animals. Teach them to walk gently on the earth, to pick up litter they didn't drop, and to put the wayward grocery carts in the carrel. Dads, don't allow them to speak to their mother with disrespect. Moms, likewise.

Don't think you have to entertain them. Let them hang out with you, and do the things you are doing. You are the role model here. It's the time to show that you are patient with your work, that you treat your coworkers fairly, that you take the time to do an excellent job.