The world turns, and it's not always pretty / Oyster casserole

When I decided to start writing a blog, I was determined that it wouldn't focus on my cancer, at least not in a way that emphasized the terminal nature of it. And so, in the last couple of months I've written fewer entries. There are two reasons for this: first, I've been sleeping well, and the time I tend to be thoughtful and want to write my thoughts are when I'm awake and alone in a dark house. The second is that the cancer has seemed to be mocking me, slapping me around a bit and singing "Nyah,yah,yah, yah, yah...."

I've been through one chemo since I decided to start treatment, and the cancer just laughed. That was Xeloda. In between I had radiation treatments for my superior vena cava syndrome, which, surprisingly, helped to bring down the swelling of the tissues. Now I'm on a new chemo, vinoralbene, and I have a port placed in my femoral vein - in my thigh, just below my panty line in the groin area. I'm kind of a novelty. They usually go in the chest, but that's what caused the svc syndrome.

I will start treatment #3 of Navelbine (tm) on Monday, but I don't have any clue that it's working. If it's not, then it's more waste of time and money, and more of a burden on the health care system.

It's gray outdoors, and the ten day forecast repeats the same day after day. Cleveland in winter, when the world changes from color to black and white. It's hard to be cheerful.

And now, we've learned that Greg's brother Joel has late stage gastric cancer, that his prognosis is dire. If there's some good to this I guess it's that he didn't have to be aware of the cancer filling up his belly and chest for the past year or more. He had no symptoms until about three weeks ago, and then was convinced he'd need his gall bladder out.

So now we've got a favorite relative unexpectedly facing death, and his family having to come to terms with it, and only a short time to prepare. His little girl is only eight years old, and his younger son is about twelve. How do you prepare them for the death of their parent, if you haven't taught them church dogma?

I've been trying to make my death part of the general conversation with the grandchildren, so that when it happens it will be expected. Annabelle said to her Mama that she hopes Grandmama Bunny doesn't die yet because there's lots of stuff she wants to do at my house still. Daelyn (eight) hugs and strokes me and tells me how sorry she is that I have cancer and it will make sick and die. I think that's amazing! At our Winter Solstice campfire Paige's wish was that I didn't die of cancer yet this year, because we have too much to do. Casey talks about it, but I haven't heard anything from Quin. I worry a little, that he may be worrying inside, and not talking about it. I don't know if they know anything about Joel's illness.

The question that has come up a few times is about where do you go when you die. I wish I could take them into the woods for a walk to look at dead trees and maybe see some dead animals. Because obviously, when a body dies it goes back into the ground, where you turn into dirt. Things that die and turn back into dirt make the plants grow better, because they can get good nutrition. But where did these materials come from in the first place? Iron, calcium, all the minerals that make our bodies came ultimately from beyond Planet Earth and were released into space in the process of a supernova. Star stuff, that's what we are, and to star stuff we will return. The memories that our loved ones hold of us, that's the part that we have some choice about, to make them good ones. We think that a lifetime is long, and significant enough that God would pay attention. But no, we're like butterflies that flutter for a day and believe that it's forever. (With thanks to Carl Sagan.)




OYSTER CASSEROLE

Whenever my brother and I argue about evolution, he brings up the fact that the oyster hasn't evolved in millions of years. Here's what you can do with an oyster!


1 quart oysters
2 or more sleeves of saltine crackers, or mix with Ritz
1 pint half and half, maybe a little more or add some milk or cream
Worcestershire sauce
Juice of a lemon
Stick of butter

1/2 red pepper, minced
1 bunch green onions, chopped fine
a handful of mushrooms, chopped fine
2 stalks of celery, minced

Preheat oven to 375. Crush all the crackers - I use a rolling pan on a clean countertop. In a saute pan, saute, all the veggies in about four tablespoons of butter, just to release some of the moisture. To the mixture in the pan, add the half and half and Worcestershire sauce, and let it come up to a simmer.

Butter a small casserole, and make a layer of crumbs on the bottom. Drain the oysters, save the juice. Use 1/3 of the oysters to make a layer over the crackers, cover with 1/3 of the veggie mix, and dot with butter, and squeeze a little lemon. Add crumbs, and make two more layers like this, then cover with a layer of crumbs. If it seems dry, pour a bit of cream, milk, or half and half over the mixture, and add any reserved oyster liquor. Use the rest of the butter to dot the top - it will help it to brown.

Put into the hot oven and bake for 30 minutes or less. Don't overcook the oysters!